An article I found a few years ago in Forbes grazed the tip of the emotional intelligence (EQ) iceberg when it described a study related to what makes someone likeable: “In a study conducted at UCLA, subjects rated over 500 adjectives based on their perceived significance to likeability. The top-rated adjectives had nothing to do with being gregarious, intelligent, or attractive (innate characteristics). Instead, the top adjectives were sincerity, transparency, and capacity for understanding (another person)” (Bradberry, 2015, para. 2). Capacity for understanding others, of course, is another way of saying empathy, and empathy and empathy for others is a key component of EQ.
Travis Bradberry and Jean Greaves, in their book Emotional Intelligence 2.0, write that “Emotional Intelligence is your ability to recognize and understand emotions in yourself and others, and your ability to use this awareness to manage your behavior and relationships. Emotional intelligence taps into a fundamental element in human behavior that is distinct from your intellect (IQ). EQ is a flexible skill that can be learned and honed, while intelligence behavior styles and motivators tend to not change”. They go on to say the single biggest predictor of performance in the workplace and the strongest driver of leadership and personal excellence is EQ or emotional intelligence. This may be because of the fundamental role emotions play in the biological processes related to reasoning and decision-making.
You see, our brains are hardwired to roll out the red carpet to emotions and serve them first before any analytical, logical thought can occur. In Emotional Intelligence 2.0, the authors talk about how “everything you see, smell, hear, taste and touch travels through your body in the form of electrical signals. They enter the brain at the base near the spinal cord and before they can reach your frontal lobe where logical and rational decisions are made they have to travel through your limbic system first”. The limbic system is where our emotions and feelings are created, so we don’t stand a chance in hell of being logical and reasonable if we don’t have control over our emotions. What’s more, our decision-making can also be affected, as the neuroscientist Antonio Damasio explains in his book Descartes’ Error: Emotion, Reason and the Human Brain. While studying people who had damage in the part of the brain where emotions are generated, Dr. Damasio found they all had something peculiar in common: they couldn’t make decisions. They could explain in logical terms what a decision was, but they actually found it impossible to make even the smallest decision. Combine this finding with what we know about performance in the workplace and EQ, and it’s hard to argue that we all shouldn’t be actively seeking ways to improve our EQ if we want to do even better in our professions and personal lives.
If you want to know where you stand with your EQ, click here to take my complimentary assessment: https://www.ttisurvey.com/372083MAL
Taking this assessment is the first step to discovering your own EQ and opportunities for EQ growth. This assessment is only available until September 30, 2019, so don’t wait!
There are 5 recognized EQ domains—self-awareness, self-regulation, social awareness, social regulation, and motivation. Below, I have bullet-pointed additional tips on how you can raise your EQ in each of these dimensions:
Self Awareness – The ability to understand your moods and reactions.
- Practice self-reflection by identifying and naming your current emotional tone, especially in heightened situations.
- Pay attention to your behaviors and see if you recognize patterns.
- Reflect on the connection between your emotions and your behavior.
- Identify 3 specific, measurable goals for improving your self-awareness and revisit them weekly.
Self Regulation – The ability to control moods or redirect disruptive impulses.
- Practice self-restraint by listening first and not interrupting others then responding positively.
- Learn to step away and calm yourself from the difficult or overwhelming situations.
- When frustration has occurred, summarize the situation and determine your triggers – know thyself and keep your emotions in check.
- Discuss ways of expressing yourself appropriately with your co-workers or trusted friends.
Social Awareness – The ability to understand the emotional make-up of other people and how your words and actions affect them.
- Learn to assess and understand the behavior of others correctly before communicating your point of view, or optimal outcomes can be compromised.
- Work with a mentor to improve your ability to consider others’ emotional responses.
- Seek clarification from others when reading their emotional responses.
- Try to find a good balance between being aware of others and considering your own emotional well-being.
Social Regulation – The ability to influence the emotional clarity of others, build rapport, and common ground.
- Be aware of the message your body language is communicating; 93% of communication is non-verbal.
- Ask those you admire for feedback on your interpersonal style.
- Take responsibility for yourself by using “I feel” instead of “You” statements.
- Seek quality in your social bonds and ask questions about others to find common ground.
Motivation – The internal drive or propensity to pursue goals with energy and persistence.
- Set goals for yourself with deadlines and list and post them where you can see them everyday.
- Clarify why the goals you have set for yourself are important to you.
- Read articles, books, and follow people who inspire you to keep your motivation going.
- Work with a trusted advisor, peer, or mentor/coach to document your goals and detail your action items to reach then through daily or weekly tasks.
If you choose to work on some of these suggested tips, we would love to hear from you in a few months’ time and learn about your progress and EQ updates at help4u@stephaniepaulinc.com. Carpe Diem!!!
References
Bradberry, T. (2015, January 27). 13 habits of exceptionally likeable people. Forbes. Retrieved from https://www.forbes.com/sites/travisbradberry/2015/01/27/13-habits-of-exceptionally-likeable-people/#789cf6491b14
Bradberry, T., & Greaves, J. (2009). Emotional intelligence 2.0. San Diego, CA: TalentSmart.
Damasio, A. (1994). Descartes’ error: Emotion, reason and the human brain. New York: HarperCollins.
